What’s these gillys and bumpsters Steven keeps talking about anyways?

So I’ve mentioned a lot the “gilly gilly” bus service that runs throughout west Africa but I don’t think I’ve every truly explained it. I have a few good stories from the last week (one of them being my last blog entry which was too big to put in this one) but I’ll go into them later. Let me start to attempt to explain the experience that is a gilly ride. What is a gilly? A gilly or gilly gilly, is usually an old decrepit 20 passenger van that they pack far more than 20 people into. No hubcaps, no bumpers, muffler dragging across the pothole ridden roads. I got in one one time which even had the added amenity of a see through floor like that of a glass bottom boat, except instead of beautiful array of coral reef life you get the pleasure to bear witness to a dirt road and a cloud of dust below your feet. An endless abyss to which if any item is dropped on the floor will surely fall victim to a dusty tomb of dirt and sand, never to be seen again. What’s even better is the “bling” which is placed on the van by the driver. Most carry tacky window drapes across the tops with pictures of famous religious leaders stuck to the windows and remnants of American and western influence. The best of these are the cars with random American paraphernalia on them such as large stickers of “Rambo” and the “A-team”, some of the PCVs have an on going joke on the fleet of “Creed” gillys that flash a large sticker across the front praising the band which if you don’t know is not only typical American rock but have been associated with strong Christian undertones… doubly ironic. Most gillys also include painted saying such as, “Peace to all”, “I’m a lover not a fighter”, and my personal favorites, “American gangsta’”.

So how do you catch one of these gillys? In major cities like Birkama, Soma, Basse, and anywhere in the Capital there are car parks where you can buy a ticket or find cars going to your area. In village though or out walking around on one of the two main Gambian roads (all other roads are merely bush roads) you can flag one down and hop on. If you can though try and get to a car park because in some places at certain time of the day a million gillys may pass by but they’ll all be full. A few words of advice though for riding on these moving hunks of metal. 1. Don’t be offended by pushing, shoving, people coughing all over you, babies crying and/or the occasional biting roster. If you’re claustrophobic you may be better off walking. 2. Be aware they will try and give you the white man fare so always ask around for the local rates. 3. Know the territory, some places have frequent gillys but others you may be able to get one in the morning but good luck trying to get back in the afternoon. 4. You will get dusty so if you’re a man don’t wear nice clothes. If you’re a woman on the other hand you may be better off sacrificing your African apparel and dressing up for the occasion, as that’s what the locals do and you can avoid heavy pestering by doing so (or so I’ve heard). 5. Do use the bathroom before hand, especially on longer rides stopping may be sporadic and if you have to release the entire contents of your colon do to the well water you drank the other day; pray you’re wearing thick pants. 6. On top of this the road conditions are not even close to decent and your seat will be vibrating like a bed in a cheap honeymoon motel; while the ride may feel like you’re on Disney’s Magic Kingdom’s “Star Tours” I insist you do not by anything at the gift shop. Instead of C3PO you’ll have a less than courteous, short tempered driver. Due to some of the obscene road conditions in some areas it makes more sense to just ride a bike part of the way (if you have a place to stash it) vs. getting a gilly. From my site for instance I ride my bike part of the way and pass a good amount of gillys; as they struggle through a midfield of potholes and concrete gorges I wave to the irritated passengers. Also take into consideration road conditions during the rainy season and plan accordingly 7. Most gillys also hire a small boy or two to collect fares. They are usually punk kids and it’s fun to watch them act cool, attempt badly to spit game to girls, and hang off the back of the gillys… then fall off into the middle of the road. Don’t even attempt to carry on a conversation with them, all the conversations will end with trying to get you to take them to America or nothing remotely interesting. 8. Also be careful when giving them large bill dominations that need change. Most of the time it’s just a hassle, and in smaller gillys this may be impossible, so try and carry exact change. Also I had an incident once where a kid posed as a gilly apprentice and tried to run off with my change; don’t though be alarmed if they do run off to find change, they will come back most of the time, mine was just an isolated incident.

What’s a bumpster you ask? Bumpsters are sadly an intricate part of Gambian life. It may be the easiest way for a young Gambian man to make money to some extent “legitimately”. Bumpsters are the blue collar boys of the Gambian sex-tourism industry. You can always find them on the beach and in the tourist neighborhoods and they later become a plague on the smaller villages as the tourist season slows down and they return home. Identifying characteristics: sleeveless net shirts and wife beaters with bright colors or country flags, rasta haircuts/hats and/or accents, 70s basketball shorts, and like most Gambian boys will also be sporting a wide assortment of g-unit/50 cent attire. Will be seen doing pushups, sit-ups, running on the beach, and doing stretches that attempt to show off their muscles. Will also be seen holding hands with unbelievably old and unattractive European women. Like the small boys on the gillys most conversations you have with them will be an utter waste of time and scientists have proven that for every hour you spend with a bumpster your IQ will decrease 2.3%. Unlike the small boys, most of the time they are not to be trusted, these are boys who make a living suckling off ancestral European titties, drinking, wasting their lives away smoking hash, and listening to bad reggae music with random laser sound effects (it’s like someone got their first soundboard and wanted to use all the buttons in random places). I have thought for long periods of time though of what would encourage these kids to choose such a life; but realistically who could blame them. To them it’s not a bad gig at all, I’m not supporting it but put yourself in their shoes. You get to sleep with many exotic (although repulsive, still exotic) women, relax all day on the beach, listen to your favorite music, have conversations and exchange knowledge with people from all over the world, learn new languages, and now have a window to reach a Gambian boys true mecca… the west. America and Europe to them is paradise and thousands have died trying to get there: on overcrowded passenger ships trying to sneak onto European soil, to diseases passed through sexual promiscuity in Africa and to malnutrition. I’d like to make it clear though that I do not judge the bumpsters, but rather make sure I take adequate measures to avoid dealing with them. It should also be stated that there are, although very rare, female “bumpsters” but they aren’t characterized with that word as you know. TIA. If I could only find a strong argument against theirs to urge them on the negative effects of such a life, but most won’t hear it.